lynn nguyen fister

BEAUTY

by lynn nguyen fister. july 2008.  

pssst.  look over here.  i have something to show you.  it’s in my pocket so put your nose in it why dontcha.  it’s dark there, but i bet you’ll see it….  okay…..  here is a flashlight. 

right there in that corner of that pocket is the color of hope.  i found it one day when i was walking down the sidewalk.  the one that falls off the edge of the earth. it was stuffed inside a horseshoe crab shell.  i had to kill the crab to get it, but that’s what i had to do.  that’s what anyone has to do.  you see, i used my fingernails to slowly scratch the surface of its body away, until it begged me to stop. it prayed to bejesus; it prayed to Mother Crab.  i smiled and put it in my mouth.  crabby legs went limp.  slid down like milk.

see how hope is the color of celery?  how it is wrapped around my neck?  how it adorns things like nativity scenes?

okay. so i have something else to show you.  shine that flashlight right there.  be quick.  so although it may look like any ol’ daddy daddy long-leg spider, it is not.  this here is friendship.  don’t be shy, shine that light directly on it.  my it’s so bright.  your pupils are so small.

okay.  watch me pluck each leg off.  one by one.  so it will be just a body.  see how these legs still move, just spasming?  a memory—i guess—of being attached to a body.  i just want the body.  here, open up your palm, and i’ll give you the legs.  these are real good fried up with kadota figs and sweet potato i tell you.

do you see how friendship is a bit yellow?  it becomes like that with age.  like cheese like wine.  yes indeed, a truly handsome yellow it is.

all right, oh all right, i’ll show you love.  stop being annoying about it, all right?  shine your light over there.  kind of in the center of my pocket.  it’s real small so squint your eyes a bit, okay?  yes.  one piece of glitter.  almost too hard to see i know.  come closer to my lips. no, come close with your left ear i mean.  sometimes the glitter multiplies so don’t be so glum, okay?

hmm… so what else would you like to see?   oh why yes, that’s in my sock actually.  hold on.  let me take off my loafers.  dontcha worry about that smell… just shine that flashlight in my sock.  right now.  don’t be slow. 

yes, i agree.  it is very beautiful in there. you’re right, i’m right.  we’re both right.

yes. i jarred up a fish in sand, its true.  it’s still alive.  i give it one droplet of water in its gills, just so it can barely survive.  how pretty, how sweet.   mmmm yes, i caged a lizard in cloud. he suspends there, unable to move.  he makes me proud.  and yes there’s a disarticulated body of a pig.  she’s still alive and much more big than before.  i kept all the nerves and muscle and bone connected, just spread out, like a fan, all her organs.  yes, i do like her spread.   oh, i’m so nice though.  i do give her just a bit of a bratwurst everyday so she can survive.  the blood of brothers and sisters.  how pretty, how sweet.  how pretty, how sweet it all is.